Tuesday, September 3, 2013

How Familiar Are You with Your Husband?

While the word intimacy can go in many directions, I believe that there is a solid way to define intimacy.  Intimacy is a deep familiarity with another.  This definition is broad enough to cover all of the ways that intimacy can be experienced and expressed.  Some words that are synonyms or related to the word intimacy are friendship, belonging, closeness, and fellowship.  Our relationship with our spouse should bring those words to life.  When you think of friendship, do you think of your pals or do you think of your husband?  Is your husband a familiar friend?

I remember a time in my marriage when I would have thought of someone else if the word friend was mentioned.  I also remember that turning point when I realized that my husband was (and is) my best friend.  Once I realized that, things changed for the better in our relationship.  I was able to find a fellowship with him that was beyond anything we had experienced prior to that.  What happened to bring about this realization?

I noticed that we were not as close as I wanted us to be.  This made me sad because I loved my husband, and I knew that he loved me, but somehow the closeness just did not seem to be there like I felt it should.  I made it my mission to get close to him.  I know that I can only change what I do, and that the Lord will bless my efforts if I do it with the right spirit.  A few specifics come to mind when I think of the major changes that I made to bring about this new intimacy in our relationship.
  • Express interest in his interests.  My husband likes motorcycles.  While I don’t hate motorcycles, I also have no personal interest in them.  I asked my husband one day if we could go on our “date” night on the motorcycle.  His eyes lit up!  He said, “You really want to?”  I said that I did.  After a few rides on the back of the motorcycle with him, I started to like the motorcycle a lot more!  *wink, wink*  He watches videos online of new motorcycles that he wants to upgrade to at some point.  Guess who watches them with him?  That’s right, I go over to the computer and stand by his side watching the video along with him.  He makes comments, asks me questions about which color or design I like best, and just overall brings me into “his world.”  A friend of mine found it difficult to find interest in the things that her husband liked.  He was into guns and shooting competitions.  She found no interest in these at all.  One day, she decided to go along with him to one of his competitions, and she took along her camera.  Photography is one of her interests.  She took photos of her husband and his friends in the competition, and eventually made him a disc of all of the pictures she’d taken.  Her husband enjoyed this little gift so much that she now goes to competitions regularly, shooting pictures while he is shooting targets!  Be creative, but definitely find a way to show interest in the things that interest him.
  • Build him up.  Tell your husband what you love about him often.  Go back in your mind and think about those things that first attracted you to him.  Think about what he does every day that you may take for granted, such as simply getting up and going to work to provide for the family.  Take time to think about what it is that draws you to him.  Then, tell him.  I took it a step further.  After I told him, I also wrote those things in a little notebook.  I often write little things in it when I think of them throughout the day.  I also took time to go through our wedding video, pausing and playing, to write out our vows.  I put those in that notebook as well.  These are just little things to remind him that he is loved and that I am committed.
  • Touch him often.  Most men’s love language is touch.  It is just a fact.  So, touch your husband.  Hold his hand whenever you can.  I have come to the point that I will
    hold my husband’s hand in the car, on the couch, walking from the car to the store, even when we are lying next to each other in bed.  I walk over to him when he’s watching television, and just give him a peck kiss on the cheek.  If he’s sitting down and I come up behind him, I will play with his hair.  He usually stops whatever he is doing, and just enjoys the feeling.  Touch will usually be returned with touch, a “win” for both of you.
Get intimate with your husband.  It doesn’t mean that you have to stop everything that you are doing and head to the bedroom, but it does mean showing him more attention and getting to know him on a deeper level.  Being “one” with our husbands, as the Bible teaches, cannot be done without getting to know him on an intimate level.

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